Tasuki: …Wow! Fer once we get ta start th’ chapter an’ PFf doesn’t!
Chichiri: Where is she anyways, no da?
Tasuki: Who knows.
Chichiri: (goes to PFf’s room, knocks on door) PFf, no da?
PFf: Go away! No one’s here!
Chichiri: What are you doing, no da?
PFf: Hiding.
Chichiri: Why, no da?
PFf: I don’t want Mai or Faye to find me!
Chichiri: Why don’t you want them to find you, no da?
PFf: The Day of Reckoning is coming.
Chichiri: “Day of Reckoning”, no da? (thinks for a moment, goes to living room) Tasuki, no da?
Tasuki: (sipping a Budweiser) What?
Chichiri: What do Mai and Faye have in common, no da?
Tasuki: They’re sluts?
Chichiri: Besides that, no da!
Tasuki: Oh…I dunno.
Chichiri: No help, no da. -.- (gets address book) Might as well call them to see what’s going on, no da. (flips through, gets to page, just about to call when looks at page again)…I think I found out, no da.
Tasuki: What?
Chichiri: (showing address book) they both have the same last name, no da.
Tasuki: Same as tha’ Vincent guy too. What does tha’ gotta do with anythin’?
Chichiri: What day is it, no da?
Tasuki: Wednesday?
Chichiri: Date, no da.
Tasuki: February 14th?
Chichiri: (pointing at last names) “Valentine”, no da?
Tasuki: What does…Ah, shit!
Both: (shadows over faces, blue lines under eyes) Valentine’s Day (no da).
Tasuki: Man am I glad th’-
doorbell: Skiderin rinky-dink! Skiderin rinky-doooo! I. Love. Yooooouuu!
Tasuki: We need a new doorbell.
Chichiri: Really, no da. (looking through peephole) Who is that, no da? All I see is this really big bag, no da…Oh, it’s the mailman, no da.
Tasuki: Don’ answer th’ door! (Chichiri opens door) Damnit!
Chichiri: Yes, no da?
Mailman: Take this, please!
Chichiri: Sure, no da. (takes bag) UMPH! What the heck is in here, no da?!
Mailman: (catching breath) Your’s is in there too. God, I hate Valentine’s Day in Animeville. (walks to truck)
Chichiri: (drops bag on floor, big boom) Geez, no da!
Tasuki: I’m scared ta open tha’ thing. (looking at it like it will explode)
Chichiri: Oh no! I need to go home, no da!
Tasuki: Why?
Chichiri: I need to get there before Alexis gets the mail, no da! I remember last year’s Valentine’s Day when she found all that fan mail, no da! (shudder, runs out)
Tasuki: (looking at bag, cautiously reaches out, quickly opens bag, flinches, looks in bag, tons of letters, cards, candy, stuffed animals, and much more) Blah! >.<
PFf: What’s with the pink frilly stuff?
Tasuki: Valentine’s Day.
PFf: Thought so. Remember, you’re only supposed to be with the people I allow you to be with and that’s Stariko, Kaylee, and Amber.
Tasuki: Yeah, yeah. (digging in bag)
PFf: What coulda made that so heavy?
Tasuki:Tha’s what I’m findin’ out….’Ey! I think I got somethin’! (pulls out large stone heart) What The…
PFf: “To my dear, beloved, hunky (Hunky?), handsome, hot, sexy, gorgeous, awesome,…”
Tasuki: Get on with it
PFf: “…lovable, Tasuki-Wasuki! ^-^ From your girl, Jerusha.” Jerusha, huh?
Tasuki: Damnit, not her again! Damn stalker!
PFf: Oooh, one of your stalkers.
Tasuki: “One”? There’s more?
PFf: Oh yeah.
Tasuki: How d’you know ‘bout ‘em?
PFf: Everytime I go outside, I always see all these fangirls trying to sneak a peek of you in the shower. I sometimes give them cookies.
Tasuki: Oh…What?!
PFf: I know, who in their right mind would want to see you nude?
Tasuki: Why’re ya givin’ ‘em cookies?! I feel so violated!
doorbell: Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings-
PFf: (answers door, slams it shut) We’re in troble!E
Tasuki: What?
PFf: Nuriko’s here!
Nuriko: (teleported inside with Chichiri) Hey, guys!
Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! (run to rooms, slam doors, lock them)
Nuriko: Chichiri, I’ll need your help.
Chichiri: Alright, no da.
-
Nuriko: I was sent here to help your marriage problems. You can call me your counselor. ^^ (talking to tied uup Tasuki and PFf sitting on couch)
PFf: Was this your idea, Chichiri? -.-+
Chichiri: Tai Itsukun’s, no da.
Both: (doom)
Nuriko: Okay, first let’s go over your past relationships. Let’s start with you Ta- (remember all the fanfiction stories) –aa PFf!
Chichiri: Nice save, no da.
Nuriko: Thanks! ^^
Chichiri: Sarcasm, no da.
Nuriko: Anyway, how many relationships did you have before finding your true love in Tasuki?
PFf: Uh, I didn’t?
Nuriko: You mean Tasuki was your only? That’s cute!
PFf: No! I mean that I was set up with him. I didn’t find my “true love” in him.
Nuriko: What about your other relationships?
PFf: My husbands go in this order: a street punk, an evil guy, bandit leader’s best friend (the only actual cool, good guy), the idiot bandit leader, Ed (deceased, may he rest in peace (OC)), George (not anime), and then my friend recently married me to a smiley guy, a hybrid mutt guy, and a pervy monk.
Nuriko: No boyfriends?
PFf: My current boyfriend is an awsome ninja.
Nuriko: Mm-hm. How does it make you feel that she has all of these guys with her, Tasuki?
Tasuki: I don’ care!
Nuriko: (pointing finger one inch from Tasuki’s eye) Wrong! You do care! You just won’t admit it!
Tasuki: I don’ give a fuckin’ damn!
Nuriko: These guys are tougher than I thought!
Chichiri: Told you, no da.
Nuriko: Ah, screw it! I’m doing this the easy way! Chichiri, freeze ‘em!
Chichiri: Okay, no da. (snaps fingers, PFf + Tasuki frozen)
Tasuki: Cheater! Cheater, Chichiri! CHEATER!!
Nuriko: (pulling out bottle, takes stopper out) Bottom’s up!
PFf+Tasuki: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
-
Nuriko: Well, I think that’s a job well done.
Tasuki: (him and PFf are waltzing around living room, dips PFf) You are so beautiful, my dear. Like a sunset in a valley of trees.
PFf: Oh, take me, my love! (smooch smooch smooch)
Chichiri: …I think I liked them before the potion, no da. This is just scary, no da.
Nuriko: Love Potion #9! The solution to all marital problems! ^^
-
Chichiri: Uh, when is it going to wear off, no da?
Nuriko: Right about…
Tasuki+PFf: (still smooching away)
Nuriko: Now!
PFf: AGH! GET OFF ME, YA PERV!
Tasuki: PERV?! YOU WERE COMIN’ ON TA ME, YA SLUT!
PFf: LISTERINE! TOOTHPASTE! LYSOL! ANY DISINFECTANT!!!!
Chichiri: They’re back, no da.
Nuriko: Mm-hm.