Chapter one – Of Pacmen and Cheese


(Everyone is lounging around in the living room. Mac is playing Guitar Hero, Jebus is head-banging to the music, and Sephiroth is watching with an amused expression)
Mac: Wow, this is a really boring day.
Jebus: What?
Mac: *throwing down guitar* This day, it’s way too boring!
Seph: I know what would make things more exciting-
Mac: You are NOT going to destroy the world.
Seph: but-
Mac: I said NO!
Seph: *grumbling* never lets me have any fun…
(The sound of glass breaking is heard coming from the kitchen)
Mac: What was that?
Jebus: Sounded like a jar breaking.
Seph: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Jebus: *walking to kitchen* No sweat, Captain Planet.
Seph: Dammit, I told you never to call me that!
(all walk into kitchen to find someone rummaging through the refrigerator)
Mac: It’s…Pacman?
Pacman: Yeah?
Mac: What are you doing in my kitchen?
Pacman: Eating.
Mac: …uh, yeah. I see that…WHY are you eating my food?
Pacman: I was hungry.
Mac/Jebus/Seph: *hand to face and sigh*
Jebus: Shouldn’t you be chasing some ghosts, or something?
(Blinky the ghost falls out of liquor cabinet)
Mac/Jebus/Seph: *sigh*
Blinky: Wassup?
Mac: Y’know, you guys could’ve called or something before you took advantage of my hospitality.
Pacman: We did, Jebus said it was cool for us to come over.
Mac: *evil glare to Jebus* Reeeeaaaaly now.
Jebus: Oh, yeah. Pacman called. He was wondering if he and the ghosts could crash here for a while.
Mac: I noticed. Tell me, what possessed you to invite people into my house without my permission?
Jebus: Well, um…
Seph: He was probably afraid of what you’d say if he asked.
Mac: Why?
Seph: Because you’re psychotic.
Mac: This coming from “The Nightmare.”
Seph: *satisfied smirk* I’m not psychotic, I just want vengeance.
Jebus: By killing everyone.
Seph: Exactly.
Mac: Psychotic tendencies aside, what am I supposed to do with Pacman?
Pacman: I’m standing right here.
Mac: I know.
Jebus: Why can’t you just let them stay?
Mac: *evil glare*
Jebus: Never mind.
Seph: I have an idea. *walks out of the room*
Mac: Wait, what’s your idea? *sweat drop* Great, we’re all gonna die.
Jebus: Why can’t you just trust him. I mean, you DID put him in the story…that you are writing.
Mac: …true.
Pacman: Hey, do you have any more Easy Cheese?
Jebus: What? You ate all the Easy Cheese?!
Pacman: Yup, it was really good.
Jebus: *holding the empty can of cheese* Not the Easy Cheese…The horror…THE HORROR!
Mac: *sweat drop*
Pacman: Uhh…sorry man. I thought it was fair game.
Jebus: *rocking back and forth with the cheese can* Not the cheese, the wonderful cheese.
Voice from outside: Pacman! Where are you?
Pacman: Oh, no.
(enter Ms. Pacman)
Ms. Pacman: There you are! I was worried sick about you, not coming home for dinner, and I find you here with Blinky partying…as usual. From the looks of it, you’ve been getting high again-
Mac: (aside to Jebus, while Ms. Pacman is still ranting) That explains a lot.
Jebus: Really?
Mac: Yup, it explains why he’s always got the munchies, and how he knows you.
Jebus: XP
Ms. Pacman: -And you missed Junior’s ball game, so I don’t think you have been fulfilling your duties as a husband or a father. From now on, you’re not going anywhere without my permission. Now come on, we’re going home. Grab that ghostly friend of yours and let’s go.
Pacman: (defeated) Yes, dear. *they all leave*
Seph: *returning to the room* Looks like my plan worked.
Mac: Your plan?
Seph: Yeah, how do you think Ms. Pacman found him? I just called her, and she came right over.
Mac: Hmm…Wow, I wish I had thought of that.
Jebus: So what do we do now?
Mac: I guess we clean up this mess Pacman left behind. *picks up empty Easy Cheese* Yup, just another boring day.
(I would like to thank the makers of the Pacman and Guitar Hero games, and the creator of Easy Cheese. Thank you.)

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