5: Technology Bytes


PFf: (on the computer) Hahahahaha! Rooster Teeth comics are the best!
Tasuki: ‘Ey, give some one else a turn, will ya?
PFf: No! Besides, Tron doesn’t like you! He likes me.
Tasuki: Oh god, she gave th’ computer a name.
PFf: (scratching the monitor like you do a dog) You like me, don’t you, Tron? You don’t like that big, dumb ol’ Tasuki, do ya? Yes…(computer fizzles, smoke comes out of monitor) DAA!
Tasuki: Hahahaha! Ah yeah, “Tron” reeeeeeaaallly loves ya! Hahahahaha!
PFf: NOOOOO! Dumb MCP Commander Sark computer! You’re not supposed to give into them, Tron! You traitor! Traaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiitoooooooor! (computer explodes) ACK!

-

PFf: Ahh, a good ol’ Game Boy color is always good entertainment. (turns it on, doesn’t come on) Huh? (tries again, does same thing) What?! You’re batteries can’t be dead! I just changed them! (tries Game Boy advanced, also doesn’t come on) No! I charged you thirty minuets ago!
Tasuki: Lemme guess, yer Game Boy don’ work?
PFf: Nice deduction, onion brain! (tries the stereo, zaps her) Ow!
Tasuki: Guess they don’ like ya anymore.
PFf: Why don’t you turn on the TV then, oh “Mister Electricity/Pyromaniac master”?
Tasuki: Alrigh’. (picks up remote, turns on TV just fine) See? Looks like I’m better.
PFf: What?!! Gimme that! (changes channel, goes on channel with a really badly cross dressing man in a red and black dominatrix costume and boxing glove on one hand and a man in the back ground with really long, oddly bending arms in a suit, going: man 1: “Oh Fishy, fishy, fish!” man 2: “Un fish, un fish! That went where ever I did go.” (If you’ve seen Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, you know what I’m talking about))
Both: …………………………
PFf: Why are we watching this?
Tasuki: I dunno. I don’ wanna, but fer some reason, I can’t stop. (TV explodes) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Ya blew th’ TV up! It didn’ deserve it, ya bitch! Why’d ya hafta blow th’ TV up?!
PFf: I didn’t mean to! Why is everything blowing up on me?!
Tasuki: TV murderer!
Chichiri: (comes running in, carrying newspaper) Hey, no da, did you guys read the paper, no da?
PFf: Chichiri, you’re talking to a Funyun-brained idiot and someone who gets the paper just for the comics and the TV guide.
Tasuki: Now we don’t need a TV guide, TV killer.
PFf: Shut up!
Chichiri: Good point, no da. Well anyway, the paper says that all electronics in the area are have a kind of revolution, no da.
PFf: Why?
Chichiri: Apparently a group of drunks decided to go into an electronics store last night (Tasuki sided stepping away) and break a whole bunch of the merchandise, no da. And let’s just say that the owners aren’t the only ones that aren’t happy, no da.
PFf: Hm, hey, where’d Tasuki go?
Chichiri: It says that one of the drunks with read hair and fangs yelled right in front of the camera, “Ya’ll suck ass!”, no da.
PFf: I’ll get the hellhounds and shackles.

-

PFf: Dumb Tasuki, always screwing things up.
Tasuki: (tied up in chains, with two hell hounds on either side of him) Mff!
Chichiri: Where did you get the hell hounds, no da?
PFf: Compliments of Ghost Rider and Matt from Rooster Teeth. They snuck some out of hell and brought them here.
Chichiri: …Ah, I suppose that was, uh, thoughtful, no da.
PFf: Yeah, anyaway, enjoy the second half.

-

6: For the Moms


PFf: Tasuki, let’s go!
TAsuki: Go? Go where?
Chichiri: To your mom’s, no da.
PFf: Today’s Mother’s Day.
Tasuki: What?! I don’ wanna go!
Chichiri: But you have to, no da. If it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be alive, no da.
Tasuki: If it weren’t fer her I wouldn’t a had five harpies fer older sisters. Thanks fer that. Besides, whatcha do fer Alexis, huh?
Chichiri: Ha! I remembered this time so you can’t use that against me, no da. I’m going to give her her present tonight, no da.
Tasuki: Gross, don’ tell me.
Chichiri: Quit thinking pervy, Tasuki, no da.
PFf: Besides, when was the last time you thanked your mom?
Tasuki: Thank ‘er fer what, makin’ my childhood a livin’ hell?! Never!
PFf: Oh come on! Didn’t she used to comfort you when you cried, tucked you into bed and tell you bed time stories, or bake you guys cookies?
Tasuki: She’d bop me on th’ head an’ say, “Be a man, damnit!”, lay on top a me an’ take a nap, an’ make this stuff tha’ smelled like seven skunks that ate week old burritos died in it an’ say it was healthy an’ make me eat it. Yeah, real motherly.
PFf: Did you ever think that if you were nice to her, she would be nice back?
Tasuki: Tried it, she just gave me two more helpings a skunk stew.
Chichiri: Aw, c’mon Tasuki, no da. There has to be something your mom did that you appreciate, no da.
PFf: Yeah, you can’t absolutely hate her if you visit her once in a great while on your own time.
Tasuki: …Well…
PFf: Yeah?
Tasuki: There was this one time…
PFf: Yeah? Go on?
Tasuki: If you’ll shut up I’ll tell ya!+
PFf: Well hurry up and say it!
Tasuki: (turning red) U-uh, I don’ think I wanna anymore.
What?! Come on!
Tasuki: No!
Chichiri: C’mon, Tasuki: no da. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, no da. I remember my mother could cook the best fish you ever tasted, no da. She’s also the one that ncouraged me to ask Kouran to marry me, no da.
PFf: My mom puts up with me, my brother, and my dad without losing her patience. You know how my brother and dad are.
Tasuki: U-u-uh…(thinking about it, gets really red, mumbles something)
Chichiri: What, no da?
Tasuki: (mumbles again)
PFf: We don’t understand mumbling, genius.
Tasuki: SHE LET ME HAVE A DAMN GIRL FRIEND!
Both:………Huh?
PFf: Uh, you joined a bandit gang when you were eight (I’m guessing). You were at the age where you thought girls had cooties.
Chichiri: I think he still thinks that, no da.
PFf: Me too.
Tasuki: Ahem, I said girl…friend, not girlfriend. There’s a difference.
PFf: Oh yeah, there’s such a big difference. One space, whoopdeedoo.
Tasuki: Shut up!
Chichiri: How did you meet her, no da?
Tasuki: I used to go ta th’ market wit Ma. I met ‘er there an’ we became friends. I’m surprised Ma didn’t care.
PFf: Why, she didn’t let you have any friends or something?
Tasuki: Everytime she saw a girl near me, she always had ta make some comment like, “Aww, their kids’ll look sooo cute!” Disturbin’ I tell ya.
PFf: I concur.

-

(After much debate and a push in the pool)
Tasuki: But!-
PFf: No buts! Just give them to your mom and tell her “Happy Mother’s Day”.
Tasuki: But!-
Chichiri+PFf: GO!
Tasuki: Alrigh’, alrigh’. (goes up to door, grumbling, knocks on door)
Mom: Yeah? Oh, whater ya doin’ here?
Tasuki: Nice ta see ya too, MA.
PFf: Ahem, we came to tell you happy Mother’s Day. I got you that sauce pan you wanted.
Chichiri: Indiana Jones trilogy, al the Lethal Weapon movies, Shawn of the Dead, and My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, no da. I’m sure you would really enjoy them no da.
Mom: Ooooooh! (squeezes the life out of them both) Thank you!
Both: Ggk! Yeah! …N-no problem! (no da!)
Mom: Well thatnk you for the gifts.
PFf: Uh, Tasuki has something for you too.
Mom: What is it now, boy? More clothes for me ta mend?
Tasuki: No! (holds out little bouquet of pretty wild flowers) Picked ‘em myself. Happy Mother’s Day, Ma.
Mom: (getting teary eyed) Oh, Tasuki. My little boy! Thank you! (hugs him)
Tasuki: (for once, hugging back) Yer welcome, Ma. (Notices he’s being stared at by PFf, Chichiri, and his sisters from inside) Uh, Ma? Ya can let go now. (to the sisters) What’re ya lookin’ at hags?
sisters: (singing) Tasuki’s a Mama’s boy! Tasuki’s a Mama’s boy!
Tasuki: Shut up!
Mom: Don’ tell yer sisters ta shut up, young man! (whacks him upside the head)
Tasuki: OW!
Chichiri+PFf: Awww, how sweet!
Tasuki: Shut up! Why does this always happen?! OW! Why’d ya hit me now, Ma?!

-

Tasuki: (rubbing head) Ow, damnit! Ya just had ta do a Mother’s Day chapter, didn’t ya?
PFf: Duh. And you’re the only one here that has a mom living near by. (Mine’s on Earth by the way.)
Tasuki: So?!
Chichiri: This chapter makes me miss my mother, no da. T_T
PFf: Aww, Chichiri. You have Alexis and all of them now. Tasuki, comfort him!
Tasuki: What? Why me?
PFf: I have to wrap this up.
Tasuki: Why can’t ya just say, “It’s been a blast, now fuck off”?
PFf: Because I’m not you. Anyway, I would like to thank Tron (even though I still haven’t seen it) and the handy little gadgets that make us more lazy than we already were for the first half of this chapter and for the last half (even though it’s really late), I would like to thank all you moms out there! You guys rock! Whoooo! Mom power!
Tasuki: Yer dumb.
PFf: Not as dumb as you.

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