Phone: I am a Banana!
Jebus: Since when does our phone have a custom ring?
Mac: It came with the doorbell package. (answers phone) ‘ello?
Blair: (over phone) Is Sephiroth there?
Mac: No...why?
Blair: I haven’t seen him is a few days. I think something’s happened to him.
Mac: That rediculous, he probably just took a vacation or something.
Blair: nope, I think he was kidnapped.
Mac: what makes you think that?
Blair: This ransom note.
Mac: ransom note?
Blair: Well, not really a ransom note. It says “I have taken the sexy one. Do not bother looking for him.” Who would do this?
Mac: I have an idea where to start.
_-_-_-
(later. Blair and Mac are in front of a big house)
Blair: Why does everyone in this neighborhood have big houses?
Mac: Makes things more interesting. (rings doorbell)
Falsetto voice: Come in!
(Blair and Mac walk into a huge entrance hall. It’s empty.)
Blair: Why didn’t the guys come with us?
Mac: After meeting Moon Doggy, they don’t want to meet any more of my friends.
Blair: Ah, well, that makes se-
(A man in paintball gear including mask jumps out with gun)
Man: Freeze!
Blair: Eep!
Mac: Hi Bureeto.
Bureeto: (takes off paintball mask thingy. A ninja mask is under it) I didn’t scare you?
Mac: If you were a giant paper craine, jumping out might have scared me.
Bureeto: I told you they’re dangerous.
Marilyn: (comming from another room) Hi Mac! Hi Blair!
Mac: Hi Marilyn.
Blair: (still recovering) Hi.
Bureeto: So what brings you to our humble little abode?
Blair: Why do you have a picture of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln mud wrestling?
Mac: (to Marilyn) We’re trying to find sephiroth.
Marilyn: What makes you think he’s here?
Mac: The fact that you’re here.
Marilyn: (shocked expression) You think I would kidnap Sephy?
Mac: Yes.
Marilyn: Fine. If you can find him, you can take him back.
Blair: Poor Saphron. Come on, Mac! (starts dragging Mac down the hall)
Mac: Maybe he likes it better here.
Marilyn/Bureeto: (put on night vision goggles and turn off the lights)
Blair: I can’t see!
Mac: What’s with the blackout?...Marilyn?...Bureeto?...crap.
Blair: come on, guys! How can we find him if we can’t see him?
Mac: (pulls out lighter) Let’s go, Blair. We need to stop wasting time.
Blair: Now that we have light, how long could the search take?
(four hours later)
Blair: How much fluid does that thing have?
Mac: You’d be surprised.
(two hours later)
Blair: How big is the house?!
Mac: (lighter goes out) Shit. (pulls out another one)
Blair: You’re a freakin pyro.
Mac: Hey, it comes in handy.
(one hour later)
Blair: what time is it?
Mac: Who knows.
Blair: Try this door?
Mac: For the umpteenth time, sure.
Blair: (opens door) Sephiroth?
Seph: Blair?
Blair: Finally! (she and mac walk into room) Aaa! You’re naked!
Seph: (chained to a bed) yeah, I noticed.
Mac: So did I. O.O
Blair: (hits Mac) You’re married!
Mac: So?
Seph: I miss clothes. Can you get me out of here?
Mac: Hold on. (hands lighter to Blair. Pulls out lock picks)
Blair: why do you have those?
Mac: always be prepares. (picks locks on chains)
Seph: Thanks. (looks for clothes)
Mac: I think it’s a little late for modesty.
Blair: You just want to look at him.
Mac: Shh.
Seph: (pulls on some pants) So nice to know that you appreciate my suffering.
Mac: Oh come on. You probably liked it.
Seph: (blush) Let’s go.
(three hours later)
Blair: lighter just had to go out again.
Mac: At least we don’t have to worry about losing Sephiroth.
Seph: Huh?
Mac: Your eyes glow, remember?
Seph: Oh, yeah...Mac?
Mac: yeah?
Seph: Please take your hand off of my ass.
Mac: That’s me this time, I swear!
Seph: Then who is it?...
Seph/Mac/Blair: Marilyn!
Marilyn: Damn! (turns on lights)
Seph: That’s it, I’m moving to Moon Doggy’s.
Mac: Why?
Seph: Because you women are insane.
Mac: and Moon Doggy isn’t?
Seph: I’ll take my chances. (walks out)
Blair: (notices Mac and Marilyn) stop staring at him!
Mac: What? His back is as nice as his front.
Blair: I’m telling Jaque.
Mac: too late for that.