Episode One: Night of the Living Hotties

Linda trudged silently across the gravel pavement. Little did she know, she was being watched. A paper blew across her path in a gust of wind, then all fell silent once more. Suddenly a sound- running footsteps! The sound grew louder and louder. Linda turned to see what it was just before her attacker pounced.
“Hug of Love!” Blair cried as she tackled Linda. Linda gave a yelp of surprise, nearly falling from the force of impact. Then, after recovering, the two friends continued their track to a nearby classroom.
“I can’t wait ‘til you come over tomorrow,” Linda said. “A whole night of Johnny Depp!”
“Especially Jack Sparrow!” Blair replied. “I’m gonna wear my hat!”
“And sit with your cardboard cutout?”
“No, I’ll just take my pillow you bought me.”
In laughter, Linda and Blair walked into lunch.

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Now, we could describe the rest of our heroine’s day, but we would like to keep our audience. Moving right along to tomorrow evening, at Linda’s house!
*Muzak starts playing*

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Blair and Linda walked into Linda’s “junk room,” or, as Alison called it, the “Oompa Loompa” room. “This is my recreational/crap storage room!” Linda gestured around the room, which looked like an artistic tornado hit it. A canvas stood in one corner, a guitar in another, and a keyboard in another; and sketchbooks and other art paraphernalia were scattered as far as the eye could see. Even the computer and television were under piles of “art.”
Linda walked over to her computer and sat down. “I want to check my e-mail real quick. Make yourself at home.”
Blair looked around for a place to sit. There was a red circle chair in the empty corner. She threw some pillows off of it and sat down.
“Look,” Linda said, “I got one of those stupid ‘Your wish will come true’ e-mails.”
“What does it say?”
“It says, ‘You’ve been selected to win our annual drawing. You will get one wish that will come true at midnight tonight.’”
“That’s weird.”
“Yeah… you wanna make a wish?”
“I don’t believe in those stupid things.”
Linda shrugged her shoulders. “What could it hurt? It doesn’t say to do anything special, just make a wish.”
Blair returned the shrug in a “I don’t care, whatever,” sort of way. “What would we wish for… Maybe a day with Johnny Depp!”
Linda got an idea. “Hey, how ‘bout we wish that our stories would come true? Then there would be enough guys to share.”
Blair laughed. “Okay.”
“Fine,” Linda said. She faced the computer and spread her arms. “We wish that the characters from our stories were real.”
The computer screen went blank, then some words came on.

YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED

Linda stared at the screen. Blair got up and joined her. The words stayed on the screen for a few moments, then the computer turned off.
“Okay,” Linda said, “that’s fucking weird.”
They stayed there a while longer, then eventually went on with their plans of a movie marathon, then fell asleep.

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An annoying beam of sunlight fell across Linda’s face, hitting her perfectly in the eyes. Even through her closed lids it seemed painfully bright, and she woke up almost instantly, groaning and rolling over onto her stomach.
And then she heard it: a soft, pitiful whimpering. Her eyes flew open as she twisted her torso in order to prop herself up. Frowning, Linda cast her gaze around the room for the source of the noise. She was just about to go back to sleep when she saw him.
A man wish scruffy, slightly shaggy dark hair was huddled in the corner next to her dresser, his knees drawn to his chest. He was looking back and forth (rather miserably, I might add) between Blair and Linda.
Linda frowned, wondering first if she was dreaming and then second why the hell a man- a strange man- was hiding in the corner of her room.
The man straightened slightly, craning his neck in order to get a glimpse of Blair’s sleeping face. While doing that, the very edge of his black pants caught a fraction of sunlight and began to smolder. With a look of unhappy surprise, the man jerked his leg out of the sun and whimpered one more.
“No fucking way,” Linda said outloud, a look of stunned disbelief written across her face as she reached for her pillow and thwacked Blair- who was sleeping on a trundle mattress- across the face with it.
Blair made a muffled noise of protest before rolling to the opposite side of the mattress. This didn’t discourage Linda in the least, as she merely slid off her bed and onto the other one, hitting Blair with the pillow again- harder this time.
“Whaaaaaaat…?” came the muffled response.
“Wake up, Blair,” Linda commanded, her wide eyes still fixed on the figure in the corner. “Wake up.”
When Blair didn’t respond, Linda scowled and stuck her finger in her friend’s ear. “Wake UP, damn it!”
Blair jerked away and pushed the pillow off her head, sitting up and glaring at Linda. “What the HELL is so important that-“
“Blair,” Linda interrupted, pointing towards the man in the corner who seemed to have brightened considerably.
“-you-“
“Blair-“
“-had to wake-“
“Blair!”
“-me up-“
“BLAIR!”
“WHAT?!?!”
Linda pointed, Blair turned and looked, and there were several seconds of dead silence. And then-
“What the HELL is a random man doing in your bedroom?” Blair looked at Linda with a wild-eyed expression.
“Blair,” Linda started softly, “I think it’s Christian…”
“Who?” Blair asked, looking lost.
“You know, your pet vampire.”
“What?!” Blair gave Linda the “you’re totally on crack” look.
“I’m serious. He’s a fucking vampire. He almost caught fire in the sun.”
“Linda, that’s ridic-“
“Remember the wish?”
“Oh.” Blair fell silent and turned to Christian who was watching her avidly. “That means…”
“Yes,” Linda said, tearing her eyes away from the ridiculously hot (all vampire characters were supposed to be hot, she realized) vampire to look at her friend.
Blair crawled across her mattress and slid off the end so that she could kneel beside him and study his face.
“Shit,” she said, frowning. I think you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right,” Linda responded, standing up and crossing to where Blair was reaching out to touch Christian on the cheek.
“He’s solid, too- OUCH!” Blair nearly fell over backwards.
“What?” Linda asked, looking alarmed. Blair helpd up her index finger to reveal a small puncture in the skin that was oozing blood.
“He bit me!” Blair answered incredulously. “He effing bit me!”
“Well, he is a vampire,” Linda pointed out reasonably as Blair lifted the finger to her lips to suck the blood off. She almost did it, too, until she caught sight of the adorable pouting face Christian was wearing.
Glancing from her bleeding finger to the vampire, Blair sighed and shrugged before offering him her finger. Christian, looking delighted, snatched her entire hand eagerly and took the entire finger into his mouth, sucking on it with abandon. Blair giggled.
“This tickles,” she said, watching her pet vampire attack her finger.
“Linda rolled her eyes. “I’m going to go find some breakfast,” she said, moving to close her blinds (for Christian) before crossing to the door.
“Ooo, bring me something yummy!” Blair cried, still focusing on her lovely new pet.
“Yeah, yeah,” Linda grumbled, closing the door behind her.

-------------{2}--------------

Linda entered her kitchen to see someone scrounging around in the fridge. She could see a tuft of sandy blonde hair sticking over the door. Let me guess, thought Linda, yet another fictional man. The person straightened up, and low and behold, Aargon Tellurium stared at her over her refrigerator door. They looked at each other a moment, then Aargon lifted his arm to rest it on the door, showing the bangle on his arm.
“Hey, you got any milk?”
Linda shook her head. “No, we ran out yesterday.” She was noticing the fact that Aargon had no shirt on. Please be wearing pants, she thought.
“Got any Vodka?”
“Er- No.”
“Damn… You like waffles?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Great.” Then Aargon began scurrying around the kitchen, making waffles. Linda just stood there.
I must be going insane. Wait a minute, I am insane, so what the hell is this?
Aargon just kept making waffles. Blair walked into the kitchen, Christian in tow.
“Wow, I didn’t mean that yummy!”
Just then, the phone rang. Linda picked it up. “Hello?”
“Yo!”
“Hey Alison, what’s up?”
“I just felt like calling. What’s going on?”
“Well, I was just asked by a dead man if we had any Vodka.”
“Well, it is the best part of waking up!”
Linda rolled her eyes.
“Ok,” Alison said, “I gotta go. See ya!”
“Ok,” Linda replied, then hung up.
Meanwhile, Blair had taken a seat at the table, her eyes glued to the half-naked ghost currently making waffles. Aargon, who was reading the back of the batter mix box, suddenly swore, making Blair, who seemed engrossed beyond consciousness, jump.
“What?” Linda asked, setting the phone down.
“You need milk for this!” Aargon exclaimed, waving the box around wildly. “What year is this, 2005?!” he asked sarcastically. Blair and Linda exchanged looks before answering in unison.
“Erm… yes.”
Aargon blinked, looked down at the box, and shrugged, tossing it aside. “Can we go to the store?”
Once again, Linda and Blair exchanged glances.
“Err,” Blair mumbled, turning her eyes back to Aargon who was looking impatient.
“You’d have to put a shirt on,” Linda said. Blair made a noise of protest in the back of her throat, causing Linda to shift her gaze to her. “No shirt no service,” she explained, looking amused. “I’ll go get the keys.”

-----------------------

The car ride to the store was the oddest experience Blair had ever had in a car. Due to the fact that Linda trusted neither Aargon nor Christian to be able to handle themselves, Blair was placed directly between them in the backseat with babysitting duty. It was proving difficult.
It seemed that Christian and Aargon didn’t exactly get along. Christian, with his pink parasol for protection against the sun, was scowling and glaring at Aargon who had casually snaked an arm around Blair’s shoulders and was currently trying to engage her in conversation.
“You look really familiar,” he was saying animatedly, “but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
Blair just forced a smile and nodded.
“So, who’s he?” Aargon asked, pointing to Christian. Christian hissed in response.
“Linda,” Blair whined, “Are we there yet?”
“I’ve only been driving for three minutes, so no.”
Blair moaned quietly.
“Besides, don’t you want to get cozy with your men?”
“Not like this!” Blair was separating the men. “What’s wrong with you two!”
Christian leaned over and whispered in Blair’s ear.
“Aargon flicked you?” Blair turned to the accused. “Why did you do that?”
Aargon shrugged. “I was just messing with him. It doesn’t mean he can eat me!”
Blair turned back to Christian. “What did I tell you about biting?”
Christian whimpered and lowered his head.
Linda looked back at the fray. “Now children, behave in the store,” she said as she climbed out of the car, which was now parked in front of H-E-B.
After a small argument over which side of the car Blair would get out on, everyone was on their way to the entrance. Christian was being pulled along by the hand by Blair, while he held his parasol in the other hand. Linda separated Blair and Aargon, who was reaching around her for Blair’s other hand.
“I’ll let you buy a bottle of Vodka if you will just stop!” Linda hissed as she slapped Aargon’s arm. Aargon immediately regained his composure.
After they got the milk, Aargon was standing in the liquor section, browsing. Blair and Linda got bored and went to cosmetics, Christian in tow. Blair picked up a bottle of moisturizer, saying, “This smells good, why don’t you get it?”
Linda looked at the label and raised her eyebrows. “Sweet Pea and Papaya?”
“You could actually smell like girl.”
“Yes, because everyone wants to smell like something with the word Pea in it.”
Aargon walked into the isle. “There you are!” He held up a bottle of Smirnoff, saying, “I’m ready to go.”

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As Aargon continued his waffle making, Blair, Linda, and Christian sat on the couch and played Super Smash Bros. Melee. Christian was surprisingly good at the game.
“So Christian,” Linda asked as she laid upside down on the couch, “if there are vampires, there should be, like, vampire clubs, right?”
Christian nodded absent-mindedly. Linda got an evil grin. “Sweet.”
Blair looked at Linda. “Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?”
“If it involves sexy, male vamps and handcuffs, probably.” Linda sat up right.
“Can I borrow Christian for awhile?”
“Is it going to involve handcuffs?”
“Not on him.”
“Oh, alright.”
Linda leaned back. “Sweet, goin’ clubbing with a vampire!”
“I’ll come too, make sure nothing happens to Christian.”
“Goin’ clubbing with a vampire and his pimptress!”
“I am NOT a pimptress!”
“Whatever.”

-------------{3}--------------

That night, Blair, Linda, and Christian went to Love Bite, a local vampire and vamp junkie club. They went through security and entered the loud atmosphere. Linda strode into the crowd, wearing her favorite black jacket with the high collar and kickass stuff all over it, acting like she owned the place. She greeted everyone she met with things like “Yo dawg” and “Hey, lookin’ good!” Amazingly she was accepted rather than getting her ass kicked.
Christian stayed close to Blair, who warily picked her way through the crowd, holding Christian’s parasol. She was wearing a low cut, V-neck blouse which showed off her abundant blessings. An inebriated vampire came over to her, reaching his arm around her. “Hey baby.”
Christian hissed threateningly, but Blair, who immediately panicked, attacked the vampire coming onto her with the parasol.
Linda was striking an entertaining conversation with a vamp on the other side of the room when Christian ran up to her. He grabbed her sleeve and tugged frantically.
“What?”
Christian pointed to the other side of the room. There was a big crowd of vampires in the corner.
“So? What’s so interesting?”
Christian sighed and started dragging Linda toward the corner. Soon Linda could see the pink outline of an open parasol against the corner.
“Blair?”
Blair peeked over the top of the parasol. “Linda! Call them off!!”
As Linda started for the crowd, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. She turned and saw a tall man with scraggly black hair and green eyes. She recognized him at once and changed her course to him. Christian made whimpering noises and tugged her arm. Linda just waved him off. “In a minute.”
Christian stood there a moment, watching his help walk away. Then he sighed and waded his way back through the crowd to his mistress.

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Linda approached the man at the bar.
“Jaque De Mort?”
The man turned his head. “How do you know me?”
Linda shrugged her shoulders. “Well, I kinda know all about you.”
Jacque heaved an exasperated sigh. “God, not another bounty hunter!”
“No, no, no!” Linda shook her head and waved her arms, “Not bounty hunter. Just a writer.”
“Ah, well in that case, sit down Miss Writer and have a beer.”
“Sure.” Linda sat on a barstool and Jaque ordered her a beer.
“So, what do you write?”
“Well, I used to write fiction.”
“What happened?”
Linda looked directly at Jaque. “Sudden career change.”
Jaque took a second to study her, then smiled. “Yeah, those can be a bitch.”
They shared a silent smile which was soon interrupted by a loud “EEEK!” on the other side of the room.
“Oh crap, Blair!”
“Is that your friend in the corner?”
“Yeah, I guess I should save her.”
“Any ideas?”
“Not a damn one.”
“Well, if you’re willing, I have one that just might work.”

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Meanwhile, Christian had finally reached Blair. He crept behind the parasol and whispered in Blair’s ar.
“WHAT?!” Blair exclaimed. “Linda dissed me to go talk to a guy?! How rude!”
A vampire reached out to Blair; Christian hissed and Blair stabbed at it with the open parasol. Then, from across the crowd, they heard someone whistle. All the vampires turned around to see Linda and Jaque standing side by side.
“Hey!” Linda said to the vamps. She unzipped her jacket and opened it to reveal a black and crimson boustiere. “Who wants some?” Jaque took off his shirt as the vampires came toward them. Linda noticed that he already had numerous scars on his body, most bite marks.
Blair took the opportunity to scoot along the wall to the door. If she hadn’t been so freaked out, she would have been humming Mission Impossible music. When she reached the door she turned back to the crowd. “Linda!”
Linda waved her away. “Go! Save yourself!”
So Blair and Christian did exactly that and ran for the car.

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Blair and Christian sat on the couch at Linda’s house, telling the story of the evening to Aargon. He jus sat there with his Smirnoff, nodding his head. He started to laugh after a while, for every time Blair would get to a really exciting part, Christian would make really big gestures to illustrate it.
Finally the door opened, and Jaque and Linda walked in very wobbly. This was probably caused by all the many small holes on their bodies.
“That was fun,” Linda said. “We should do that again sometime. Maybe next year.” She then stumbled. Jaque tried to catch her, and ended up stumbling himself. Blair caught Linda, and Aargon caught Jaque.
“Are you okay?” Blair asked.
“Hee hee… I feel ill.” Linda replied, and promptly passed out,

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“Linda?” Blair slapped the side of Linda’s face gently. “Dude, wake up!” She smacked her face a bit harder, eliciting a groan of protest from Linda.
“Stop fucking hitting me,” Linda muttered irritably as she peeled her eyelids open. Blair, who was looking at her with wide, anxious eyes, pressed a glass of juice against her friend’s lips.
“You should drink this,” she said.
“Why?” Linda asked. Blair shrugged.
“I dunno, but they give you juice and cookies at blood drives, right?”
“Oh, yeah.” Linda took the glass and chugged its contents. “Where’s Jaque.”
Blair silently pointed to the floor where the man- whom Blair did not know- had been dumped unceremoniously. He was twisted into what looked like a very uncomfortable position.
“Aargon just sort of dropped him there when I asked him to get juice for you,” Blair explained, turning back to Linda.
“Couldn’t you have moved him somewhere more comfortable or at least adjusted his position?” Linda asked.
“Er- we were more worried about you. Or at least I was. Aargon suggested we go off and do ‘something else’ until you woke up.”
“Do what exactly?” Linda asked suspiciously. Blair shrugged.
“God only knows. I told him no way in hell I was going off with him alone. I don’t even know him!” Blair looked scandalized. Linda snorted.
“What’d he do then?”
“He got all miffed and grabbed a bottle of Vodka before storming off to watch TV. I caught him watching Oprah a half hour ago. He got all mad when he realized I was there and threw a pillow at me… sulky bastard.”
“…with too much unresolved sexual tension,” Linda added evilly. Blair stuck her tongue out and scowled.
“Anyways, who is that?” Blair asked, pointing to Jaque.
“Jaque De Mort,” Linda answered promptly.
“Oh god, one of the characters from your pornos!” Blair exclaimed. Linda scowled.
“It isn’t porn! Not entirely…”
“Pfft, he’s a porn star!” Blair grinned.
“Where’s Christian?” Linda asked, pushing herself into a sitting position.
“He’s napping. He’s the cutest thing, Linda! I wish I could keep him.” Blair frowned.
“Why can’t you?”
“My parents. They’d send him to jail and me to a shrink.”
“Blair- you live in the middle of nowhere- can’t you stash him somewhere?”
“Er, I dunno if he’d like that, Linda. If you haven’t noticed, he tends to suffer from separation anxiety.”
“Good point,” Linda admitted.
They were distracted suddenly as Aargon came stumbling into the room, slurring his phrases and exclaiming that he was drunk before dramatically passing out on the floor. Blair and Linda exchanged looks before both turning to Aargon.
“You’re dead,” Blair said bluntly.
“Yeah,” Linda added, “You can’t get drunk.”
Aargon opened his eyes and pushed himself into a sitting position before giving Blair and Linda an irate glare. He climbed to his feet and stalked back to the living room, muttering, “Damn know-it-alls!”
Blair shook her head. “What am I going to do about him?” she turned and Linda was moving Jaque to the bed.
“So what’s the porn star’s story?”
“He’s not a fucking porn star! He’s the leader of a vamp junkie biker gang, brother of Damian, and an all around murderer.”
“So he’s your kind of guy.”
“Hell yeah.”
Jaque stirred and opened his eyes. He and Linda shared a long look. Blair made sounds of an awkward moment and started inching towards the door. “I better go make sure Aargon doesn’t try to pretend to kill himself.”
As Blair hurriedly made her exit, Jaque tried to sit up. He succeeded only at leaning on his elbows. “You woke up before me.”
Linda rubbed her cheek. “I was coaxed.”
That got a laugh from the nicely toned man on the bed. His deep voice made the laugh sensual, though that was probably not the original intent. It made Linda smile as she leaned on the bedpost.
“So, Miss Writer, I still haven’t learned your name.”
“Moi? Je m’appell Linda.” [Me? My name is Linda]
“Ah, tu parle francais!” [Ah, you speak French!]
“Un peu.” [A little]
“I suppose that’s one of the many things you know about me, that I speak French.”
“Now see, I could have just guessed that from your name. Jaque De Mort sounds very French.”
“Oh la la, c’est vrai.” [Oh my, that’s true]
Linda laughed a little. Jaque sat the rest of the way up. He reached out and traced some of the healing bite marks on Linda’s neck. “So, how did you get into the vamp scene?”
Linda shrugged. “I’ve always had a thing for vampires.”
“You know how much you’re risking your life?”
Linda grasped Jaque’s hand and removed it from her neck. “Yes, but I met you through it.”
Jaque’s eyes met Linda’s in a deep gaze. He lifted her hand to his lips. They were warm in spite of lack of blood. He removed his lips from her hand and pulled her to him to press his lips to hers.

-------------{4}--------------

“For the last time, no!” Blair shouted at Aargon. “I am NOT going to sleep with you!”
“But why the hell not?” Aargon protested. “Can’t you see I need you?”
“You need to get laid, that’s all you need.”
“And you’re the perfect candidate!”
Blair was ready with a comeback, but the doorbell rang before she had time to speak. She turned away from Aargon and opened the door to find a tall, gangly teenager with short, curly hair.
“Um, may I help you?”
“Is Linda here?”
Aargon came up being Blair with his arms crossed. “As long as you’re not even thinking about touching Blair. She’s mine!”
Blair hit Aargon’s arm, hissing, “I am not!” She turned back to the teenager and said, more politely, “Yeah, hold on.”
As Blair started for Linda’s bedroom, hoping she wouldn’t see a very Linda-ish scene, their guest let himself in and flopped on the couch. Aargon raised an eyebrow at him.
“So, who are you, anyway?”
The guy on the couch raised his hand as if to shake it with Aargon’s, answering, “Christoph Anonymous, at your service!”
Aargon shook “Christoph’s” hand. “Aargon Tellurium.”
“Aren’t those elements?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“So, what, were your parents high when they named you or something?”

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Blair was so glad to find Linda and her new friend fully clothed, though they did look rather inseparable at the mouths.
“Alright, this is a PG-13 moment, but could you please stop all the same?”
Linda disconnected herself from her man and stood up, “What’s wrong now?”
“Some guy named Christoph Anonymous is here for you.”
Linda rolled her eyes. “Chris!”
As they were returning to the living room, they heard Chris and Aargon fighting. The argument was peppered with interesting names such as “ass wipe,” “butt munch,” “butt nugget,” and so on. When the fight was visible, they saw that Christian had woken up. When he saw them, he held up a spiral on which he had written, ”I’m rooting for him” and an arrow pointing to Chris.
“Christopher Paul Carson!” Linda shouted, her arms crossed.
Chris stopped and looked at her. “Hey, shorty!”
“You must really like the taste of your own blood,” Linda muttered as she shook her head. Chris noticed Christian’s sign and high-fived him.
Blair pointed from Linda to Chris. “So, you’re related?”
“This is my younger-“
“-and taller!”
“-cousin, Christopher… who wants to die.”
Blair nodded her head. “Oh.”
“So, what are you doing here, ya fuckin’ juvenile delinquent?”
“Some crazy chick showed up at my house demanding to see you. She brought us over on her motorcycle.”
“All the way across town?”
“Why do you think we’re here so late?”
“So, where is this crazy chick?”
“Outside,” Chris said, then turned toward the kitchen.
Linda heaved an exhausted sigh and went to the front door. She was met there by a young woman with dark red hair and black eyes.
“Whoa!” Linda exclaimed. She let the new character into the house. “What’s up?”
“I could use some guidance. You’re the best person to go to.”
“I can see where you would get that idea.” Linda started leading the girl to her junk room.
Blair asked, “Who’s this?”
Linda halted briefly. “Everyone, Skye Fyre, Skye, everyone.” Then the two continued to the other room.
Jaque waved his finger thoughtfully at the door that Linda and Skye had gone through. “I know her.”
“So do I,” Blair said, “but I’m afraid more intimately than you do.” She ignored Jaque’s confused look and turned to Aargon. “So what was that fight all about?”
Aargon pointed to Chris who was rummaging in the pantry. “He was talking about your breasts!”
Chris pointed back. “I just asked who the Busty Blonde was!”
“Only I can call her that!”
“You want summa this?!”
Blair yelled, “ENGOUH!” and grabbed Christian’s pink leash. “Come, Christian, we’re going to the bedroom.” As they were about to turn into the hall, Christian held up the spiral which read, “Ha, ha, ha.”
Aargon gestured to them comically. “What?! She chooses HIM over ME?!?!”
The last of them he saw was Christian’s hand flicking him off. He began to charge at him, and Jaque had to hold him back. After a small struggle, Aargon finally gave up and sagged in Jaque’s arms. “Do I ever get laid in this story?”
The two men sat on the couch. They were joined by Chris, who set a bag of chips on the end table. He then pulled out a joint and checked his pockets. “Anyone got a light?”
“Yeah,” Jaque pulled a zippo from his own pocket and handed it to Chris.
“Thanks.” He lit the joint and gave the lighter back. “Wanna drag?”
“Sure.”
Aargon looked insulted. “What about me?!”
“You’re dead, can you even get high?”
“I can pretend.”

-------------------------------

Linda and Skye had been talking for only ten minutes before Linda caught a whiff of something that smelled undeniably like-
“Do you smell that?” she asked, lifting a hand as she interrupted Skye. Skye shook her crimson hair from her eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Yeah, it smells like weed,” she replied casually with a shrug. “Why?”
“Ah, fuck!” Linda swore in response, climbing to her feet. “I’m gonna murder the fucking bastard.”
“What’s the big deal?” Skye asked, standing up as well and following Linda out the door. “It’s JUST weed-“
“-exactly!” Linda muttered something obscene as she entered the living room.
Jaque and Chris were sprawled on the couch, talking, laughing, and swearing quite amicably. Aargon, who looked more sullen and upset than Linda had ever seen (or imagined) him, was standing off to the side of the couch with a scowl on his face. Linda, momentarily distracted from the weed, asked, “What the hell’s wrong with you?”
“Can’t get high, can’t get drunk, can’t even get fucking laid!”
“Isn’t that a bit redundant?” Linda asked with amusement, referring to the last bit. Aargon glared at her.
What kind of story is this?” he snapped angrily before stalking about. Linda watched him go, muttering something about “Blair needing to help him relax” before turning her eyes back to her cousin and character.
“What the FUCK to you think you’re doing?!” she asked, jerking the joint out of his mouth and extinguishing it.
“Wha-what the fuck do you think YOU’RE doing?! That was a perfectly good-“
“My house is going to smell like fucking weed! My parents will be doing drug tests on my once a week for the rest of my life!”
“Tough shit for you,” Chris remarked complacently, before adding, “Where are your folks anyways?”
Linda, who was about to curse him out for the “tough shit” comment, froze for a moment and frowned. “Good question.”
Suddenly a voice was heard. “We interrupt this story for a breaking news bulletin!”
Everyone in the room jumped and turned to the TV, which had turned on and showed a news man behind a desk. Chris was so startled that he fell off the couch. Jaque pointed at the screen. “Dude! The TV turned on by itself!”
The anchorman continued, “A local bank has been robbed, and the criminals are at large.”
Linda crossed her arms, “So?”
“They were last seen driving down South WWWhite road.”
Linda looked down and heaved a sigh. “Of course. As if life wasn’t strange enough.”
The screen went dark then, and a darker, more mysterious voice came. “You are in charge of your wish. You are responsible for the safety of the world you changed.”
“Whoa!” Linda knelt close to the black screen. “You mean me and Blair? Why the fuck are we in charge?!”
“Your wish, your responsibility,” the voice said, then all went quiet.
Everyone looked at each other. Linda kept staring at the dead television. After a moment, Skye voiced the question that was on the minds of everyone in the room. “What the fuck was that?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” replied Linda. She stood and turned to the two crackheads on the couch. “Okay, you two shit heads need to go in the other room and be quiet. You’re too high to be of any help.”
Chris burst out laughing. After a moment, Jaque joined in. Linda covered her face with her hand. “What are you laughing at, Chris?”
Chris gasped for air. “You said shit head!”
“And you, Jaque?”
Jaque was holding his stomach and he pointed to Chris. “His laugh!”
Linda turned and walked to her den. “Fuck this.” She returned with a very dangerous looking blade. “I’ll just have to work around you.”
Skye raised an eyebrow. “What do you expect to happen?”
“A random news broadcast just told us that bank robbers were coming here. Then a random creepy voice said that Blair and I have a responsibility to ‘protect this world.’ Whatever the fuck that means… I figure that whoever the robbers are, they want to hurt us.”
Skye nodded. “That makes sense.”
“Blair! Get over here!”
“What?” Blair asked, slightly annoyed as she entered the room.
“There’s some weird bank robbers coming here, so we’re gonna kick their asses!”
“Huh?”
“I’ll elaborate later.”
Skye handed Blair a knife. Blair stared at it for a moment, very confused.

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Time passed as they all waited for the burglers. Finally they head someone jump the back fence. Linda crept to the glass door and peered through it. She jumped back and everyone saw someone on the other side. The face was hidden and the person held up a bag. When no one moved, the person put the bag on the ground and left, jumping back over the fence. Linda opened the door and picked up the bag.
“What is it?” asked Blair.
Linda held the bag open for the others to see. “It’s gold. It’s fucking gold!”
Skye raised an eyebrow. “Why the hell would a robber give you the gold he stole?”
Christian walked into the room and held up his spiral which read “WTF?”
Christ stepped closer. “So what do we do with it?”
Jaque looked in the bag. “There’s too much here for one person to have. It would be too suspicious. I suggest we divide it between us evenly.”
“Between all of us?” asked Aargon.
“No, between the women and Chris, I guess.”
“What?”
“Think about it. You and Christian are living with her right?”
“Hey,” interrupted Blair, “I never said they were living with me.”
“Oh shut up,” said Linda, “and just take your sex slaves.”
Before a fight could break out, Jaque continued. “If Blair takes some, that means more for you all to share, because she has to provide for you. Linda gets enough of us. And Chris and Skye get their shares.”
“Great, so I’m a parent now,” Blair mumbled glumly.
Skye shook her head. “I don’t want any. I have enough problems keeping a low profile as it is.”
“Fine, so what do you guys think?”
After a moment of though, everyone agreed and they began diving up their riches. By the time they were through, the sun began to peek over the horizon. Everyone was exhausted and they decided to sleep at Linda’s for one more day before going home. Linda and Jaque went to Linda’s room, Blair, Christian, and Aargon went to Linda’s parents room under the condition that they would stay clothed (Blair’s idea). Skye and Chris slept on the couches in the living room. Silence fell over the house and the only sound became the joyful singing of the birds outside and the occasional purring of Linda’s cat under the couch.

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AND SO IT BEGINS…